So last night I had Chadin's parents, his aunt and uncle, his sister, her husband, and their 3 kids over for dinner.

It was the test of the new wife. I think I passed. The house was clean, there was lots of food, and I think people had fun.

His aunt kept saying I must have been cooking all day. Which is so far from the truth. I started cooking some things at like 2:30 and started the rest after 5:30. They got there at 7. It was more like I was cleaning all day.

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So the reason why I haven't written a real entry in a while is because I can't get my feelings sorted out about this.

My grandad, my only remaining grandparent, is very sick, and it being England it is taking awhile to get the test results back. It's quite possible that he has the same thing that killed my uncle not too long ago.

I hate cancer.

My granny (his wife) died of some cancer in the sinus cavities about 5 (maybe 6) years ago. My uncle (his son) died of either liver cancer that spread to the pancreas or pancreatic cancer that spread to the liver. They couldn't (that I know of) figure out which. And now my grandad is sick with symptoms very similar to that which my uncle had.

When dad was telling me, the only thing I could say was "Does cancer just run in your family?" he said he guess so, or maybe it was the house. I felt horrible for saying that. It just came out before I could think about it.

What an insensitive daughter.

And I could tell he was trying very hard to keep it together and not cry over the phone.

I'm a loaf.

A really upset, confused, furious at the medical world that has yet to stop this from happening, the tobacco industry for doing nothing (they were all heavy smokers), and the alcohol industry for blaming the tobacco industry for everything (my uncle and grandad drank lots).

That and I may not be able to see him. He will never meet my husband, or any kids I might have.

Damnit.

I hate this.

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I'm listening to: the radio Kidd Kraddick in the morning.
I'm reading this: A Wind in the Door
I'm burning this: Yankee Cherry Lemonade.

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