Have you ever had those dreams that seem to be telling you something really important?

About 2 hours ago I woke up and have been tossing and turning trying to go back to sleep.

It was something like Thanksgiving and all of my family and all of Chadwin's family were gathered together. He had to work and would be home shortly after we finished eating. As they were clearing the table, I started to put together a plate for him so he wouldn't have to dig through everything.

I noticed that he had left the computer screen up and that he was creating a friend test like thing that featured a whole bunch of questions I didn't know the answer to. And someone was there telling me how little I knew about my husband.

When I woke up I kept snuggling up to Chadwin, wanting him to wake up and hold me and notice that something was bothering me.

But he didn't. He continued to do what normal people do and sleep.

I keep having these fears. That he is hiding stuff from me, that he doesn't really love me, that he doesn't know how to tell me so he keeps dropping little clues.

Yesterday he lost his wedding ring and I started to freak out. (He told me he lost it while he was at work so I couldn't see him to calm my fears) (and the wedding ring was found inside a baseball glove at his aunt's house) I was convinced that he wanted to leave me and didn't know how to tell me so he lost the ring on purpose. (It's sized so that it can't just fall off, you have to take it off)

For some reason I just don't believe that I deserve his love or the love of anyone else. That I'm not worthy or not of age or not something that I need to be. (And I have saying stuff that I want to hit other people for saying but I'm trying to be honest) (which I suppose they are too)

I don't know what I can do to fix this. But I do need to get in the shower so I can make it to work.

****************************************

I'm listening to: nada
I'm reading this: Eragon (sp?)
I'm burning this: Lavender and French Vanilla

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